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romennimTitle: The Parallel Experience That Now Is Your Life
Author: Romennim
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Other Characters: Mirror!Spock, Mirror!Kirk
Warnings: none
Summary: What if McCoy didn't make it to the transporter room in time in the episode "Mirror, mirror"?
Author's note: I didn't want to post this at all before writing down the whole plot, but, because of someone (and this someone knows I'm referring to her), here it is. I have every intention of finishing this... I just don't know how much time it will take :)
Oh, and this is unbeated. I will surely ask my beta to see the other chapters however.
Forgive me, then, for my eventual mistakes.
I lied to Jim.
After all that I promised, all that I said, I lied to him.
Oh, dear God, I lied to him, one of my bond-mates.
And why?
Because I can't be selfish once in my life. Because I can't stop being a healer for once. And he knows it.
But I promised, and now...
Dear God, they're going to hate me.
Jim will know as soon as he doesn't see me in that room and finds my shields completely blocking him.
In five minutes from now he will know. He will know and he won't be able to do anything, because the ship needs him, because the ship comes first. And I know it.
And as the ship needs him, Spock needs me now.
Oh, the irony of all this.
I feel already my heart dying.
Because his duty and this - saving Spock - is not on the same level.
Because I promised, I promised. Why can't I be someone else for a moment, just once, for the people I love?
I don't want to think about that, but where else could my mind go?
It is as if I can't stop thinking even for a moment...
He will know, my mind keeps repeating. He will know.
And I can't stand the idea he will know I lied to him consciously.
Because he will hate himself too, more than how much he will hate me, as soon as he realizes. Because it's for the ship that I lied. I lied for him, for not making it harder for him. I lied to make him go back, for not making him doubt himself, his responsibilities, and who he is.
And after the first, quick, thoughtless burst of anger, he will hate himself strongly for having put me in this situation, in this situation with no way out. For having forced me to lie to him.
And then there's Spock... Spock.
I don't even want to begin to think what Spock will think, feel, when Jim comes back and I don't. When I'm not there, and he will know, with certainty, with utter finality, that he won't see me ever again.
I don't want to think. I don't want to think at all.
And when I begin to feel the strong pull, and a piercing pain that lasts just a few seconds - the irrevocable sign that he's going, really going -, I gladly lose consciousness, and I pray God - if he exists, if he's out there for me too - to not let me wake again.
Life without them, in this nightmarish universe, will be impossible. Unbearable. Meaningless.
God, please, don't wake me ever again.
next
Author: Romennim
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Other Characters: Mirror!Spock, Mirror!Kirk
Warnings: none
Summary: What if McCoy didn't make it to the transporter room in time in the episode "Mirror, mirror"?
Author's note: I didn't want to post this at all before writing down the whole plot, but, because of someone (and this someone knows I'm referring to her), here it is. I have every intention of finishing this... I just don't know how much time it will take :)
Oh, and this is unbeated. I will surely ask my beta to see the other chapters however.
Forgive me, then, for my eventual mistakes.
I lied to Jim.
After all that I promised, all that I said, I lied to him.
Oh, dear God, I lied to him, one of my bond-mates.
And why?
Because I can't be selfish once in my life. Because I can't stop being a healer for once. And he knows it.
But I promised, and now...
Dear God, they're going to hate me.
Jim will know as soon as he doesn't see me in that room and finds my shields completely blocking him.
In five minutes from now he will know. He will know and he won't be able to do anything, because the ship needs him, because the ship comes first. And I know it.
And as the ship needs him, Spock needs me now.
Oh, the irony of all this.
I feel already my heart dying.
Because his duty and this - saving Spock - is not on the same level.
Because I promised, I promised. Why can't I be someone else for a moment, just once, for the people I love?
I don't want to think about that, but where else could my mind go?
It is as if I can't stop thinking even for a moment...
He will know, my mind keeps repeating. He will know.
And I can't stand the idea he will know I lied to him consciously.
Because he will hate himself too, more than how much he will hate me, as soon as he realizes. Because it's for the ship that I lied. I lied for him, for not making it harder for him. I lied to make him go back, for not making him doubt himself, his responsibilities, and who he is.
And after the first, quick, thoughtless burst of anger, he will hate himself strongly for having put me in this situation, in this situation with no way out. For having forced me to lie to him.
And then there's Spock... Spock.
I don't even want to begin to think what Spock will think, feel, when Jim comes back and I don't. When I'm not there, and he will know, with certainty, with utter finality, that he won't see me ever again.
I don't want to think. I don't want to think at all.
And when I begin to feel the strong pull, and a piercing pain that lasts just a few seconds - the irrevocable sign that he's going, really going -, I gladly lose consciousness, and I pray God - if he exists, if he's out there for me too - to not let me wake again.
Life without them, in this nightmarish universe, will be impossible. Unbearable. Meaningless.
God, please, don't wake me ever again.
next