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romennimTitle: The Parallel Experience That Now Is Your Life
Author: Romennim
Beta:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
1lostone
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Other Characters: Mirror!Spock, Mirror!Kirk
Warnings: none
Summary: What if McCoy didn't make it to the transporter room in time in the episode "Mirror, mirror"?
Previous Chapters: Prologue | 1 | 2
Author's note: I'm at loss about what I should say now.. I think I'll just leave you alone to read the chapter in peace :) I'm not entirely satisfied with it, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway
Chaos reigns free in my mind.
The tiredness I felt before seems completely gone, and my heart is pumping madly in my ears.
I don't... I don't have a daughter... How... ?
I try to calm myself, I need to think.
But Mr. Spock's words just go on circling in my mind.
“... I know as a certain fact that you do not have a daughter.”
You do not have a daughter, youdonothaveadaughter, youdonothave...
Stop!
I'm a doctor, damnnit. I need to calm down before I have a damn heart attack.
I decide to lie on the couch, instead of remaining seated. It's not comfortable in the least, but if I chose the bed, I will surely fall asleep and in this state of mind I fear what I could find again in my dreams. No, I need to reason about this. And about the bond. Damn, what am I going to tell Mr. Spock?
Yes, I really need to think thoroughly about all this.
So, I know this universe is very different to mine and very much so, but, from what we had gathered, the main facts of our life are the same... I mean, I am still the CMO of this ship, Jim the Captain, Scotty the Chief engineer and so on.
But me not having a daughter is such a huge alteration from my past – oh, dear God, past, past – life that I can barely conceive it! In fact, even if Joanna is not part of my daily life anymore, she's still a huge part of what I am, and of what my life before Starfleet has been.
Ironically, if I hadn't had that life before, I wouldn't have been in Starfleet – and so on the Enterprise - at all, so how did the other McCoy happen to be here? What happened in his life that led him on this ship, as I was?
Suddenly, I feel the urge to ask the computer for information about McCoy's life and only Kirk's warning about controlling what I do makes me stop. I could justify myself easily; after all, if I am to impersonate him, I must be sure to know about his life, to know it down to the details, since, apparently, it has been so different from mine. But surely Kirk has some means to see what I do. He could send someone to check on me, and people here are ruthless.
A shiver runs through me as I remember the cruelty of some of the red shirts... No, I don't want to risk seeing someone like that right now and who knows when Mr. Spock will come back. The mystery of this McCoy's life will have to wait until I'm better; right now I should think about my health and what to tell Mr. Spock.
I try to gather myself and think about the bond.
It is clearly unsettled. The headache still blazing in my head and the nausea that I feel returning is proof enough for that. The problem is why, because there can be two reasons: the bond can either be strained by the distance or simply be broken.
My heart twists painfully at the idea of the link to my lovers being forever severed, like another part of my life forever taken away from me, but – and the doctor in me knows it - it would be the best solution for me. Humans are not made to have a continuous telepathic activity like the one required for a bond. Only special techniques and a trained telepath who can take on the majority of the strain of sustaining the bond can allow a human to have a link like that. I still remember clearly all the objections Sarek made when Spock told him his intentions of bonding with not one, but two humans.
Suddenly a memory comes to my mind and I let myself live it again. After all, what is left to me except reviving the past?
Jim and I were not expecting to be welcomed in the family by Sarek with open arms, but the harsh verbal confrontation in Vulcan between father and son that followed the announcement of our intentions wasn't either. The Lady Amanda is sitting in front of Jim and myself, concern plain to see in the lines of her face, while her eyes darts from one standing Vulcan to the other.
Awkwardness isn't the exact word to describe the situation, but it surely is the best I can think of. I fidget on the couch, sensing Jim's stiffness beside me and the uneasiness coming off Sarek, but I don't know what to do. I look toward Jim, who is watching Sarek and Spock's interaction like a hawk, maybe hoping to gain suddenly the ability to understand a language humans couldn't even fully hear.
I dart a look at Spock's mother and, since she is looking at us now, I decid to get over the awkwardness of the situation and just ask.
“What is the problem, Lady Amanda?”
She smiles faintly at me, darting a look at his husband and son for the last time.
“Please, call me Amanda... After all, it seems we will be one family very soon.”
I smile a bit at that and I see, at the corner of my eye, Jim turning his attention to us.
“So it seems, yes. I didn't expect Sarek to be thrilled about all of this” I pause, seeing her smirking a bit at that, “but I didn't expect something like this, either.”
Amanda's expression suddenly becomes serious again.
“It has nothing to do with either of you, Leonard, believe me.”
She takes then a deep breath, but doesn't seem willing to go on. Jim leans a bit forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.
“Then what is it?”
His tone is soft, just what Amanda needs to continue.
“I don't know if I should be the one to tell you” she sighs, “since Spock didn't inform you himself, but you have the right to know.”
Another pause.
“Bonding with a non-telepathic subject can be very tiring, sometimes dangerous, for the telepath of the relationship, because the strain that is usually divided between the two bond mates is borne only by the telepath. Usually only very gifted Vulcans are allowed to bond outside their species and so that's why mixed pairs are so rare.”
Amanda stops, letting us reach our own conclusions about what it means to bond with not one, but two humans.
“What bad things could happen?” Jim asks in a whisper, while my mind thinks that if Spock didn't tell us, it must not be something good.
“Something from continuous headaches, to coma, to cerebral death.”
Her words hang like a bad warning in the sudden silence of the room. I barely realize that the two Vulcans have stopped talking, or arguing, I should say, since now it's clear that that is what they were doing.
My mind seems to just go on circling on two words. Cerebral death. Cerebral. Death.
I barely notice Jim talking to Spock.
“I don't even want to talk about why you didn't see it fitting to inform us, Spock, just answer a question for me. How many Vulcans survived their bonding with two non-telepathic people?”
When the answer comes, I can almost feel my heart stop and the ground move under me.
“None.”
After that, obviously, we locked ourselves in the room Amanda gave us and fought. Jim was angry that Spock didn't tell us the risks. As for myself, I was angrier about the fact that we could have faced the problem of Spock's death ex post facto, without even the fairness of knowing that there were risks.
In the end, Spock convinced us to try to bond, because he was certain he – we - could do it, with the assurance that if something had gone wrong, a mind healer could have severed the bond before it irreparably damaged him.
And once again he proved he was right, because, beside a few difficulties during the first days, after Jim and I had learned how to help him, everything was fine. When I asked Spock how he had always been so sure we would be able to bond like he wanted, he simply told me: “I knew we were unique, Leonard, our compatibility, our chemistry was proof of that. And there has been nothing we could not achieve, when we wanted it.”
His tone was so sure, and his face so open, so trusting. God, how much I already miss them!
I feel a tear running down my cheek and I press my head in the back of the couch. The movement and the pressure heighten the pain in my head, but I don't care; it's better than feel the aching void in my chest.
I let my heart drown in sorrow for a few minutes more, until I force myself to focus again.
The first thing I should do is try to find out if the bond is broken or not. Because if it is, instead of the emotional pain at the idea of being forever separated by Jim and Spock that won't ever go away, the pain I feel physically will fade in time, with the aid of a few drugs. But if the bond is not broken... If it's not...
If it's not, the scenario is unpredictable, but surely disastrous, because my mind would be just ike a bleeding organ. With a bleeding that won't stop. And that can only mean that I...
No, let's try to think more thoroughly about this and not jump to...
Well, first, no one has ever found themselves in my situation, as far as I'm aware. Not in the 'I'm trapped in a parallel universe' aspect, anyway. I don't remember a case where the non-telepathic bond mate was separated from the other for a long time or with great distance between them, and I'm pretty sure there haven't been. After all, even if it's true Vulcans are jealous (and isn't that kind of ironic?) of their privacy, sharing this kind of information can be useful outside Vulcan, since the few interspecies pairings that exist don't reside on that planet, except Sarek and the Lady Amanda. The Vulcan Science Academy doesn' know of any of such situations either; Spock was thorough when he searched this kind of informations due to our work lifestyle: if there had been cases like this, he would have told us after the bonding. So that means I'm alone in this.
An option comes to my mind.
Mr. Spock.
Since the two universes are so different, then maybe here something like this could...
And then something else catches my attention. Mr. Spock... No, my reaction to Mr. Spock.
I suddenly recall how much better I felt earlier when Mr. Spock touched me while helping me in the bathroom and then again when I was unsteady.
Why did I feel physically better at his touch?
The realization and then the answer almost make me sick.
The bond. The bond sensed him. The bond realized Mr. Spock was near, noticed his psyonic familiarity and reached out, trying to ease itself.
Oh dear God...
What does it mean? That the bond is broken and my part of it sensed Mr. Spock's familiarity and tried to reassert itself?
Or does it mean the bond is not broken and is trying somehow to ease the pressure that is now only onto my brain?
I don't know, God, I don't know... So many problems and so few answers...
But this tells me something: I will have to be careful around Mr. Spock... How could my brain react if I stay too much near him? Will it help me? Or it will just make it worse when I have to be away from him?
And that leads me to the matter I should have thought all along: what am I going to tell him? The truth? Part of it? If so, how much of it?
God, I already feel my head beginning to explode from the pain again. The Laycoxerin effects are wearing off and the reality of my situation is hitting hard again.
How can I be expected to treat me if I don't exactly know what is happening to me and if I can't try to understand?
I should do some research, see if in this universe there's some record for something like this or...
The sound of the door opening brings my attention back to the present. I gingerly open my eyes and I can see Mr. Spock standing over me, an unreadable look on his face. His lips are stretched in a thin line.
“How are you feeling, Doctor?”
I'd like to respond with something scathing, but I'm not strong enough.
“Like someone is playing drums with my brain.”
His expression tightens.
“As I thought. I brought another dose of Laycoxerin, but it is the last.”
Yes, I know. Laycoxerin is pretty effective on the moment, but like hell for the system. You can't take more than two doses in a day, and surely not another dose before a month has passed from the day you took those two.
It is very, very bad then.
I feel the hypospray on my neck, then I hear something moving. I peer at Mr. Spock who is now sitting on a chair at a respectable distance from me. I feel extremely vulnerable lying down, but I don't care. I feel too awful to care.
“Let us be honest, Doctor.”
I'd like to tell him that nothing ever good comes from starting like that, but I only wait for him to continue.
“You are obviously suffering from some kind of broken telepathic link. If I am to aid you, and be assured, I want to aid you, you will have to be honest with me.”
I try to move my head to nod.
“That is good. What kind of link?”
I answer in a whisper.
“A mating bond.”
I can suddenly sense the tension like something physical.
“With which telepathic species?”
Now, one moment of truth, because I must be honest. Surely he has noticed how better I felt when he touched me. He's just asking to test me to see if I'll lie to him, so I can't.
“Vulcan.”
I can almost feel his eyes boring into me. I open my eyes and look at him. He's staring at me like I'm some kind of specimen. Something like anxiety begins to clench my chest.
After a few more minutes I have had enough.
“What? Does it seem so impossible?”
For a moment I forgot who I am with. I forgot to be cautious, but he just keeps staring until suddenly he is on his feet, taking a few steps towards my desk. Then he turns and his face is hard.
“You must not tell anyone about it.”
I'm confused.
“What... ?”
“You must not, Doctor.” he repeats harshly, taking a step towards me.
I don't understand.
“What... ? Why?”
“Because for a human, mating outside their species is high treason, punished by death.”
My mind is frozen. What...
“What?”
I pause, a thought suddenly occurring to me.
“And how come you are... ?”
With two steps, Mr. Spock is suddenly over me, the look on his face frightening me into silence.
“You must not tell anyone about me! Doctor, I swear, if you...”
There's nothing, really, he can threaten me with. He would probably realize it if he thought about it rationally, but I can see that the idea of someone knowing his secret is not making him think clearly. Who knows if he has ever felt real fear for himself before?
“Calm down! I won't tell anyone. I have no reason to.”
I try to sound reasonable and let him know I'm sincere.
He gives me something like a suspicious look.
“I am calm.”
I'd like to snort at that.
“Humans are selfish and unpredictable. You could use the information somehow to your gain.”
I think he's right, as far as this universe is concerned.
“That's probably your experience and I understand. But I gain nothing making an enemy on this ship. I need someone not hostile, if not on my side, at least neutral, if I am to survive.”
Mr. Spock tilts a bit his head, and again I'm hit by the similarities between him and my Spock. I feel a squeeze around my heart and close my eyes for a moment. I can't stand this, God, I can't.
I feel the Vulcan move, then talk.
“I will not ask you anything that is not necessary. But please remember my warning. Do not say anything about your mating. To anyone.”
I try to bring myself back to the conversation.
“How can no one know about you?” I ask, trying to bring my thoughts back to the present, and to this Spock.
“Not much is known by humans about Vulcans. After conquering Vulcan, humans did not bother to learn about us. I simply listed myself as Vulcan when I entered the Terran Empire's Starfleet. No one can tell if there is a difference between myself and a full Vulcan.”
I'd like to ask him about his mother and father, or why he decided to enter the 'fleet in the first place, but I don't. It's evident privacy is still held in high consideration by Vulcans, so I don't pry. Mr. Spock could be the only one able to help me. Without considering that I don't need another person as hostile to me as Kirk appears to be.
I try to make some conclusions from what he told me.
“So I suppose asking a Vulcan mind healer about my current problem is a no-no.”
Mr. Spock turns his gaze away from me.
“We should try to understand if your bond is severed or simply muted, but we cannot contact a mind healer and bring him here to do it. The Captain has means to spy almost everywhere on this ship and he could find out why we brought the healer here, without considering the fact that other people could find out about it.”
That's obviously true. But...
“Yes, but if the Captain wants me to heal to impersonate McCoy, a Vulcan healer would be the best. If Kirk knows and help us, it could be possible to not be discovered by others.”
“That is true, Doctor, but the Captain could also decide to kill you. And that is an unnecessary risk to take now.”
“What do you mean?”
“The Vulcan healer could tell us the state of your bond, that is true, but it is something I can learn to do myself, without the risk of you being killed. If I contact a healer at a later date, for my own medical reasons, I will not arise the Captain's suspicions.” he begins to walk then. I watch him move, with surprise, because it seems such a human gesture, to pace as one talks or thinks. He makes me wonder how his life was different from the one lived by my Spock.
“After all,” he goes on, apparently ignoring that I'm observing him, “for now, nothing can be done until the current physical and mental strain on your brain is lifted. If eventual remaining psyonic traces of the bond still linger and give you later difficulties, I can contact my family and set up a coded line that no one could bypass, without arousing suspicion, since Vulcan thinking on privacy is widely known. The healer could then tell me where to discover those traces to definitively heal you. I'm apt enough in mental techniques to master what is needed to be done to assure your continued health.”
He pauses and turns towards me, and somehow I already know what he's going to tell me before he speaks.
“You should know that if that is not the case, that is, if the bond is not broken, there is nothing that can be done to help you.”
next
Author: Romennim
Beta:
1lostone Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Star Trek TOS
Pairing: Kirk/Spock/McCoy
Other Characters: Mirror!Spock, Mirror!Kirk
Warnings: none
Summary: What if McCoy didn't make it to the transporter room in time in the episode "Mirror, mirror"?
Previous Chapters: Prologue | 1 | 2
Author's note: I'm at loss about what I should say now.. I think I'll just leave you alone to read the chapter in peace :) I'm not entirely satisfied with it, but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway
Chaos reigns free in my mind.
The tiredness I felt before seems completely gone, and my heart is pumping madly in my ears.
I don't... I don't have a daughter... How... ?
I try to calm myself, I need to think.
But Mr. Spock's words just go on circling in my mind.
“... I know as a certain fact that you do not have a daughter.”
You do not have a daughter, youdonothaveadaughter, youdonothave...
Stop!
I'm a doctor, damnnit. I need to calm down before I have a damn heart attack.
I decide to lie on the couch, instead of remaining seated. It's not comfortable in the least, but if I chose the bed, I will surely fall asleep and in this state of mind I fear what I could find again in my dreams. No, I need to reason about this. And about the bond. Damn, what am I going to tell Mr. Spock?
Yes, I really need to think thoroughly about all this.
So, I know this universe is very different to mine and very much so, but, from what we had gathered, the main facts of our life are the same... I mean, I am still the CMO of this ship, Jim the Captain, Scotty the Chief engineer and so on.
But me not having a daughter is such a huge alteration from my past – oh, dear God, past, past – life that I can barely conceive it! In fact, even if Joanna is not part of my daily life anymore, she's still a huge part of what I am, and of what my life before Starfleet has been.
Ironically, if I hadn't had that life before, I wouldn't have been in Starfleet – and so on the Enterprise - at all, so how did the other McCoy happen to be here? What happened in his life that led him on this ship, as I was?
Suddenly, I feel the urge to ask the computer for information about McCoy's life and only Kirk's warning about controlling what I do makes me stop. I could justify myself easily; after all, if I am to impersonate him, I must be sure to know about his life, to know it down to the details, since, apparently, it has been so different from mine. But surely Kirk has some means to see what I do. He could send someone to check on me, and people here are ruthless.
A shiver runs through me as I remember the cruelty of some of the red shirts... No, I don't want to risk seeing someone like that right now and who knows when Mr. Spock will come back. The mystery of this McCoy's life will have to wait until I'm better; right now I should think about my health and what to tell Mr. Spock.
I try to gather myself and think about the bond.
It is clearly unsettled. The headache still blazing in my head and the nausea that I feel returning is proof enough for that. The problem is why, because there can be two reasons: the bond can either be strained by the distance or simply be broken.
My heart twists painfully at the idea of the link to my lovers being forever severed, like another part of my life forever taken away from me, but – and the doctor in me knows it - it would be the best solution for me. Humans are not made to have a continuous telepathic activity like the one required for a bond. Only special techniques and a trained telepath who can take on the majority of the strain of sustaining the bond can allow a human to have a link like that. I still remember clearly all the objections Sarek made when Spock told him his intentions of bonding with not one, but two humans.
Suddenly a memory comes to my mind and I let myself live it again. After all, what is left to me except reviving the past?
Jim and I were not expecting to be welcomed in the family by Sarek with open arms, but the harsh verbal confrontation in Vulcan between father and son that followed the announcement of our intentions wasn't either. The Lady Amanda is sitting in front of Jim and myself, concern plain to see in the lines of her face, while her eyes darts from one standing Vulcan to the other.
Awkwardness isn't the exact word to describe the situation, but it surely is the best I can think of. I fidget on the couch, sensing Jim's stiffness beside me and the uneasiness coming off Sarek, but I don't know what to do. I look toward Jim, who is watching Sarek and Spock's interaction like a hawk, maybe hoping to gain suddenly the ability to understand a language humans couldn't even fully hear.
I dart a look at Spock's mother and, since she is looking at us now, I decid to get over the awkwardness of the situation and just ask.
“What is the problem, Lady Amanda?”
She smiles faintly at me, darting a look at his husband and son for the last time.
“Please, call me Amanda... After all, it seems we will be one family very soon.”
I smile a bit at that and I see, at the corner of my eye, Jim turning his attention to us.
“So it seems, yes. I didn't expect Sarek to be thrilled about all of this” I pause, seeing her smirking a bit at that, “but I didn't expect something like this, either.”
Amanda's expression suddenly becomes serious again.
“It has nothing to do with either of you, Leonard, believe me.”
She takes then a deep breath, but doesn't seem willing to go on. Jim leans a bit forward, resting his elbows on his thighs.
“Then what is it?”
His tone is soft, just what Amanda needs to continue.
“I don't know if I should be the one to tell you” she sighs, “since Spock didn't inform you himself, but you have the right to know.”
Another pause.
“Bonding with a non-telepathic subject can be very tiring, sometimes dangerous, for the telepath of the relationship, because the strain that is usually divided between the two bond mates is borne only by the telepath. Usually only very gifted Vulcans are allowed to bond outside their species and so that's why mixed pairs are so rare.”
Amanda stops, letting us reach our own conclusions about what it means to bond with not one, but two humans.
“What bad things could happen?” Jim asks in a whisper, while my mind thinks that if Spock didn't tell us, it must not be something good.
“Something from continuous headaches, to coma, to cerebral death.”
Her words hang like a bad warning in the sudden silence of the room. I barely realize that the two Vulcans have stopped talking, or arguing, I should say, since now it's clear that that is what they were doing.
My mind seems to just go on circling on two words. Cerebral death. Cerebral. Death.
I barely notice Jim talking to Spock.
“I don't even want to talk about why you didn't see it fitting to inform us, Spock, just answer a question for me. How many Vulcans survived their bonding with two non-telepathic people?”
When the answer comes, I can almost feel my heart stop and the ground move under me.
“None.”
After that, obviously, we locked ourselves in the room Amanda gave us and fought. Jim was angry that Spock didn't tell us the risks. As for myself, I was angrier about the fact that we could have faced the problem of Spock's death ex post facto, without even the fairness of knowing that there were risks.
In the end, Spock convinced us to try to bond, because he was certain he – we - could do it, with the assurance that if something had gone wrong, a mind healer could have severed the bond before it irreparably damaged him.
And once again he proved he was right, because, beside a few difficulties during the first days, after Jim and I had learned how to help him, everything was fine. When I asked Spock how he had always been so sure we would be able to bond like he wanted, he simply told me: “I knew we were unique, Leonard, our compatibility, our chemistry was proof of that. And there has been nothing we could not achieve, when we wanted it.”
His tone was so sure, and his face so open, so trusting. God, how much I already miss them!
I feel a tear running down my cheek and I press my head in the back of the couch. The movement and the pressure heighten the pain in my head, but I don't care; it's better than feel the aching void in my chest.
I let my heart drown in sorrow for a few minutes more, until I force myself to focus again.
The first thing I should do is try to find out if the bond is broken or not. Because if it is, instead of the emotional pain at the idea of being forever separated by Jim and Spock that won't ever go away, the pain I feel physically will fade in time, with the aid of a few drugs. But if the bond is not broken... If it's not...
If it's not, the scenario is unpredictable, but surely disastrous, because my mind would be just ike a bleeding organ. With a bleeding that won't stop. And that can only mean that I...
No, let's try to think more thoroughly about this and not jump to...
Well, first, no one has ever found themselves in my situation, as far as I'm aware. Not in the 'I'm trapped in a parallel universe' aspect, anyway. I don't remember a case where the non-telepathic bond mate was separated from the other for a long time or with great distance between them, and I'm pretty sure there haven't been. After all, even if it's true Vulcans are jealous (and isn't that kind of ironic?) of their privacy, sharing this kind of information can be useful outside Vulcan, since the few interspecies pairings that exist don't reside on that planet, except Sarek and the Lady Amanda. The Vulcan Science Academy doesn' know of any of such situations either; Spock was thorough when he searched this kind of informations due to our work lifestyle: if there had been cases like this, he would have told us after the bonding. So that means I'm alone in this.
An option comes to my mind.
Mr. Spock.
Since the two universes are so different, then maybe here something like this could...
And then something else catches my attention. Mr. Spock... No, my reaction to Mr. Spock.
I suddenly recall how much better I felt earlier when Mr. Spock touched me while helping me in the bathroom and then again when I was unsteady.
Why did I feel physically better at his touch?
The realization and then the answer almost make me sick.
The bond. The bond sensed him. The bond realized Mr. Spock was near, noticed his psyonic familiarity and reached out, trying to ease itself.
Oh dear God...
What does it mean? That the bond is broken and my part of it sensed Mr. Spock's familiarity and tried to reassert itself?
Or does it mean the bond is not broken and is trying somehow to ease the pressure that is now only onto my brain?
I don't know, God, I don't know... So many problems and so few answers...
But this tells me something: I will have to be careful around Mr. Spock... How could my brain react if I stay too much near him? Will it help me? Or it will just make it worse when I have to be away from him?
And that leads me to the matter I should have thought all along: what am I going to tell him? The truth? Part of it? If so, how much of it?
God, I already feel my head beginning to explode from the pain again. The Laycoxerin effects are wearing off and the reality of my situation is hitting hard again.
How can I be expected to treat me if I don't exactly know what is happening to me and if I can't try to understand?
I should do some research, see if in this universe there's some record for something like this or...
The sound of the door opening brings my attention back to the present. I gingerly open my eyes and I can see Mr. Spock standing over me, an unreadable look on his face. His lips are stretched in a thin line.
“How are you feeling, Doctor?”
I'd like to respond with something scathing, but I'm not strong enough.
“Like someone is playing drums with my brain.”
His expression tightens.
“As I thought. I brought another dose of Laycoxerin, but it is the last.”
Yes, I know. Laycoxerin is pretty effective on the moment, but like hell for the system. You can't take more than two doses in a day, and surely not another dose before a month has passed from the day you took those two.
It is very, very bad then.
I feel the hypospray on my neck, then I hear something moving. I peer at Mr. Spock who is now sitting on a chair at a respectable distance from me. I feel extremely vulnerable lying down, but I don't care. I feel too awful to care.
“Let us be honest, Doctor.”
I'd like to tell him that nothing ever good comes from starting like that, but I only wait for him to continue.
“You are obviously suffering from some kind of broken telepathic link. If I am to aid you, and be assured, I want to aid you, you will have to be honest with me.”
I try to move my head to nod.
“That is good. What kind of link?”
I answer in a whisper.
“A mating bond.”
I can suddenly sense the tension like something physical.
“With which telepathic species?”
Now, one moment of truth, because I must be honest. Surely he has noticed how better I felt when he touched me. He's just asking to test me to see if I'll lie to him, so I can't.
“Vulcan.”
I can almost feel his eyes boring into me. I open my eyes and look at him. He's staring at me like I'm some kind of specimen. Something like anxiety begins to clench my chest.
After a few more minutes I have had enough.
“What? Does it seem so impossible?”
For a moment I forgot who I am with. I forgot to be cautious, but he just keeps staring until suddenly he is on his feet, taking a few steps towards my desk. Then he turns and his face is hard.
“You must not tell anyone about it.”
I'm confused.
“What... ?”
“You must not, Doctor.” he repeats harshly, taking a step towards me.
I don't understand.
“What... ? Why?”
“Because for a human, mating outside their species is high treason, punished by death.”
My mind is frozen. What...
“What?”
I pause, a thought suddenly occurring to me.
“And how come you are... ?”
With two steps, Mr. Spock is suddenly over me, the look on his face frightening me into silence.
“You must not tell anyone about me! Doctor, I swear, if you...”
There's nothing, really, he can threaten me with. He would probably realize it if he thought about it rationally, but I can see that the idea of someone knowing his secret is not making him think clearly. Who knows if he has ever felt real fear for himself before?
“Calm down! I won't tell anyone. I have no reason to.”
I try to sound reasonable and let him know I'm sincere.
He gives me something like a suspicious look.
“I am calm.”
I'd like to snort at that.
“Humans are selfish and unpredictable. You could use the information somehow to your gain.”
I think he's right, as far as this universe is concerned.
“That's probably your experience and I understand. But I gain nothing making an enemy on this ship. I need someone not hostile, if not on my side, at least neutral, if I am to survive.”
Mr. Spock tilts a bit his head, and again I'm hit by the similarities between him and my Spock. I feel a squeeze around my heart and close my eyes for a moment. I can't stand this, God, I can't.
I feel the Vulcan move, then talk.
“I will not ask you anything that is not necessary. But please remember my warning. Do not say anything about your mating. To anyone.”
I try to bring myself back to the conversation.
“How can no one know about you?” I ask, trying to bring my thoughts back to the present, and to this Spock.
“Not much is known by humans about Vulcans. After conquering Vulcan, humans did not bother to learn about us. I simply listed myself as Vulcan when I entered the Terran Empire's Starfleet. No one can tell if there is a difference between myself and a full Vulcan.”
I'd like to ask him about his mother and father, or why he decided to enter the 'fleet in the first place, but I don't. It's evident privacy is still held in high consideration by Vulcans, so I don't pry. Mr. Spock could be the only one able to help me. Without considering that I don't need another person as hostile to me as Kirk appears to be.
I try to make some conclusions from what he told me.
“So I suppose asking a Vulcan mind healer about my current problem is a no-no.”
Mr. Spock turns his gaze away from me.
“We should try to understand if your bond is severed or simply muted, but we cannot contact a mind healer and bring him here to do it. The Captain has means to spy almost everywhere on this ship and he could find out why we brought the healer here, without considering the fact that other people could find out about it.”
That's obviously true. But...
“Yes, but if the Captain wants me to heal to impersonate McCoy, a Vulcan healer would be the best. If Kirk knows and help us, it could be possible to not be discovered by others.”
“That is true, Doctor, but the Captain could also decide to kill you. And that is an unnecessary risk to take now.”
“What do you mean?”
“The Vulcan healer could tell us the state of your bond, that is true, but it is something I can learn to do myself, without the risk of you being killed. If I contact a healer at a later date, for my own medical reasons, I will not arise the Captain's suspicions.” he begins to walk then. I watch him move, with surprise, because it seems such a human gesture, to pace as one talks or thinks. He makes me wonder how his life was different from the one lived by my Spock.
“After all,” he goes on, apparently ignoring that I'm observing him, “for now, nothing can be done until the current physical and mental strain on your brain is lifted. If eventual remaining psyonic traces of the bond still linger and give you later difficulties, I can contact my family and set up a coded line that no one could bypass, without arousing suspicion, since Vulcan thinking on privacy is widely known. The healer could then tell me where to discover those traces to definitively heal you. I'm apt enough in mental techniques to master what is needed to be done to assure your continued health.”
He pauses and turns towards me, and somehow I already know what he's going to tell me before he speaks.
“You should know that if that is not the case, that is, if the bond is not broken, there is nothing that can be done to help you.”
next
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(no subject)
Date: 2011-03-11 10:14 pm (UTC)I can't wait to read what else you come up with!!
(no subject)
Date: 2011-03-11 10:21 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-03-12 02:59 am (UTC)There are so many parts to this that I love - from the snapshot of the past to your McCoy in general. He is asking himself the hard questions and, while terrified, remains practical about the answers. I also love the background you are building here - high treason to mate outside the human race? YAY! I mean... NO! LOL! This is developing a nice storyline. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2011-03-12 12:00 pm (UTC)and, for the idea of high treason, it was a nice (you know what I mean, not 'nice' per se, but for the story :)) surplus that will create problems in the future, obviously. I don't know why, but I realized I love them to suffer.. a bit, but to suffer neverthless :)
thank you again for your nice comment
(no subject)
Date: 2011-03-15 12:37 pm (UTC)The human/non human univerense differences are really cool, and also make quite a bit of sense for the MU.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-03-15 10:00 pm (UTC)p.s. if you're interested I wrote two other things for ST that you didn't comment on. I'm telling you because since you didn't leave a comment - and you seem the type of person that comments everything they read - I suppose you haven't read them
(no subject)
Date: 2011-03-16 12:30 pm (UTC)There will surely be more, don't worry :)
(no subject)
Date: 2011-09-03 01:07 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-09-04 09:19 pm (UTC)as I've said before, this story WILL be completed. unfortunately this haven't been a good period for me - and consequently for the story. I can't promise anything, I can only say I'll try to update within this month.
I'm touched by the fact that you like this story so much
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-05 09:56 pm (UTC)I just wanted to let you know that the next chapter is on its way to my beta. in a few days it should be posted.
I wanted to tell you because you've always followed the story and showed your appreciation for it :)
I hope you'll keep reading it.